Knotting Ends
by IssaVaugn
Summary: What goes through your head as you die? I think of you, Annie...


_So I was being morbid and a gusty (mainly because of an unrequited romance and the lack of passion to continue any of my other fanfics. oh, and because I was reading Mockingjay. Wtf? Authors are all like, let's kill off everyone's favorite characters- just for shits and giggles! I swear, Alliegant was the same. And the last Mortal Intsruments book will be too. _

_Just don't. _

_So, I get to the end, and cry all over again when Finnick dies. (The first time I read it! I literally cried for an hour and refused to finish the book for a whole week.) Then I got to thinking, what was going through Finnick's head as he lay there dying? His love, his life, the drive behind his death... What were his personal thoughts?_

_And so I began to write._

* * *

They say in your last moments you see your life flash before your eyes.

My dear Annie, that is so true. But what they don't take into account is how you die. They never say much about the pain of being ripped to shreds by lizard mutants, feeling your own blood and flesh everywhere, or hearing an Avox man's screams beside you. That broken voice, a soul somewhere in there is screaming for release.

Is that why you scream- of insanity? I find that now, as my voice grow raw and will soon be silened; it helps. Letting out the anguish as you fight to stop the life from being drained. As you fight to remmpember who you are and why this is happening.

The Capital never tells any of that about death as you watch your life leave you- the entire experience can be related to the Hunger Games.

Do you rememeber them, Annie? As much as I hate them, the silver lining is you. Always you. Even now as I fight for my life futally, I think of you. Our child. Your future.

That is why I fight, love.

I didn't have to come on this rescue mission. I didn't have to sacrifice myself for the others, I could have dragged Katniss, Gale, and the others down in this hell with me.

What would that have done? Obliverated any hope I had of protecting you. I almost lost you once, Annie. It was my fault your name was reaped, that I couldn't protect you. Or that you lost your mind in there, alone in that arena. For every person that you killed to stay alive, a piece of you died too.

It was my fault for being selfish and wishing to see you again. I had no idea the price of life- never, until I eperienced it myself in the arena. We are both so broken Annie, where your mind had failed, my heart had. Until I met you. Then I had a purpose, a reason to once again fight.

I am thinking of the world we live in now. Boggs never had the chance to chose whether or not he brought us down with him. But he did choose to help protect us in the future. He was a great man, Annie. A man I hoped to become one day to our child.  
That's why I offered myself up. Maybe my action will one day save our boy, or girl from this world we live in now. Maybe, the next generation can grow up without fear of reaping, fear of their lives.

These are the thoughts that run through my head, along with images.

You coming home from the Games; beautiful, broken, but still you. Us together in four, until I was reaped again, sent off into the 75th games to protect our future; our Mockingjay. You, on our wedding day; in Katniss's dress, so beautiful. You have always been beautiful. Us, that night, as we lay together for the first time.

You had no idea how long I had waited to be with you. Even in all the screwed circumstances and uneven odds, that night was perfect. That love completed me, Annie. You are my Mockingjay. I just wish I could be there to see the product of our great love.

Promise me that our son will know. Or that our daughter will understand. Let them be reminded of our childhood Annie. Tell them about me. Love them enough for both of us.

I wish I could write this down. I wish there was enough of me left to let you know somehow all my thoughts and feelings. The pain is gone now, love. But so am I. I may not be much more than a handfull of wishes, but I will try my best to scatter them to the wind with my last breaths, in hopes that they will reach your lips.

I will never stop fighting Annie, even after I am gone. I will never give up.

Goodbye, Annie...

Please, don't...

Forget...

I love...

You...

...

..

.

_Nightlock. Nightlock. Nightlock._

* * *

_That was even sadder than I wanted it to be? excuse me while I go cry..._

_Seriously though, what did you think? That was more moody and angusty than I have ever done! but somehow it felt right? I can only hope I did it justice? I mean, Really Susan Collins? Way to kill off my favorite character, and my dreams of having mermaid babies with that fictional character... _

_But I digress. hope you enjoyed it, brownie points to reviews, and a cyber cookie to the one with the most tears._

_oh! And what do y'all think about a PeetaXGale fic? I may be feeling the stirrings of a smutty plot coming on! _


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